The Parody Ship
by hatchet.chef
Summary: A group of friends take a vacation to the Titanic but then shit happens.


"GOD DAMMIT GWEN! SHUT UP!" Noah yells as he drives to the parking lane.

"I ASKED YOU A QUESTION! ARE WE THERE YET?" Gwen yells.

Lindsay and Dakota face palm.

"Yes of course that's why i'm still driving." Noah rolls his eyes and drives.

Gwen pouts.

"Don't worry there's only 5 more minutes then we will be on the Titanic in no time!" Zoey cheers.

Cody puts his arm around Zoey.

Gwen grabs a light saber.

"Cody you have 5 seconds before I stab you and kill you." Gwen yells.

Cody scoots away from Zoey.

Zoey sighs.

"And were almost here!" Noah announces while driving.

"Bitch please almost isn't good enough." Gwen says rolling her eyes.

Dakota slaps Gwen.

"Bitch please yes it is." Dakota says.

"Both of you shut the fuck up. God damn." Armando yells.

"Why don't you bitch?" Dakota asks.

"Bring it mother fucker." Gwen says.

Zoey facepalms.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! WE ARE FINALLY HERE!" Noah screams.

Noah parks his car and opens the car door.

Everyone grabs their suit cases and exit the car.

They all walk up to the ship.

"My name is George Washington and i'm the captain of the Titanic. Don't use the bathroom of the right because I just took the biggest shit there." George Washington introduces.

George Washington leaves to the private room.

"The fuck?" Lindsay asks.

"I'm going to find some strippers. Who's coming with me?" Armando asks.

"I wouldn't mind." Noah winks.

Dakota punches Noah in the jaw.

"UM are you forgetting something?" Dakota asks.

"Fuck. I'm dating you." Noah facepalms.

Dakota hops on Noahs back.

"God damn you're heavy." Noah complains.

"TAKE ME TO THE KITCHEN SO I CAN EAT!" Dakota screams.

Noah rolls his eyes and carries Dakota to the kitchen.

Zoey and Cody look at eachother.

Zoey holds Codys hand.

"So what do you want to do?" Zoey asks.

Cody shrugs.

"I'm thinking we can do something like... play duck duck goose." Cody says.

"Pfft. Child games." Zoey rolls her eyes.

"DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CHILD GAMES? I'LL LEAVE YOU RIGHT HERE ALL ALONE!" Cody screams.

"Ok ok! I'm sorry!" Zoey backs away.

Cody skips to the little children section.

Zoey crosses her arms.

"Hey wheres Gwen?" Zoey asks.

Lindsay and Armando shrug.

"I'm going to find her before she thinks of raping George Washington." Zoey walks off.

"So. Lets go check out our rooms." Armando says walking with Lindsay.

"I found it! It's the 2nd door to the left." Lindsay cheers.

Armando grabs his keys and opens the door.

"Wow this is such a great room.. we can do magical stuff in here if you know what I mean." Armando winks.

Lindsay blushes.

Armando holds Lindsays hands.

"I think it's time." Armando sighs.

"Really? Are you sure you want to?" Lindsay asks.

"Yes..i'm positive..get ready." Armando says.

Lindsay sits down on the bed.

"IT'S TIME TO PLAY MINECRAFT! WOOHOO!" Armando cheers.

"Wait what?" Lindsay asks with a shock.

"Duh! What else would be funner! Minecraft is everything!" Armando says playing Minecraft.

Lindsay facepalms.

"I was fooled by an idiot.."Lindsay sighs.

"Shut up i'm trying to play you dumb bitch." Armando yells while playing Minecraft.

Lindsay throws a pillow at Armando.

Sing starts to sing.

"Lets get down to buisness. To defeat... Slenderman!" Lindsay sings.

"What?" Armando asks.

"Did they send me killers? When I asked.. for lives!" Lindsay sings.

"The fuck?" Armando asks.

Lindsay slaps Armando.

"You're the saddest idiot I ever met! And you can bet before you're done!" Lindsay sings.

Armando rubs his cheek.

"Mr. i'll! Make a winner out of you!" Lindsay sings.

"You ruined this game. I'm done." Armando says putting down his game and leaving the room.

Lindsay sits on her bed and pouts.

Dakota punches the door open and walks in the room.

"Uh what the hell Dakota? Did you gain weight?" Lindsay asks.

"SHUT UP LET ME FINISH MY COOKIES!" Dakota says as she chews cookies.

"Don't forget to swallow...and breathe." Lindsay says weirdly.

Noah bardges in.

"Take care of this fatass. I dumped her." Noah says and walks away.

Lindsay facepalms.

"Worst vacation ever. Everything is so screwed up." Lindsay pouts.

Gwen grabs Dakotas foot from under the bed.

Dakota screams.

"HA HA! GOT YOU!" Gwen teases.

"Gwen get the fuck out." Dakota says meanly.

Gwen shrugs.

Zoey chases Gwen.

" I FOUND YOU!" Zoey says barging in.

" Oh hell no!"Gwen says.

"Why is everyone here?" Lindsay asks.

Zoey, Gwen, and Dakota shrug.

"My box of cookies are gone." Dakota sighs.

"I didn't take it." Gwen says chewing on a cookie.

Dakota facepalms.

"Guys lets try to make this vacation a good one! Please?" Lindsay begs.

"Fine but Cody is still playing with the little kids." Zoey sighs.

"Then go with your boyfriend and have fun!" Lindsay says.

Zoey runs off to the kid section to find Cody.

"Dakota can you try to get back with Noah?" Lindsay asks.

"No. Can't you see i'm in love with cookies and cake now?" Dakota asks.

Lindsay shakes her head.

"Whatever. I'll go find him and talk to him about it." Lindsay says.

Lindsay leaves to find Noah.

"Let's go smoke some weed in the bathroom." Gwen encourages.

"What in the name of hell is wrong with you?" Dakota asks.

"Everything." Gwen shrugs.

Gwen and Dakota go to the bathroom and lock up the door.

"I'm going to play with soap." Dakota says playing with soap.

"Pussy." Gwen says lighting up a match.

Gwen smokes weed.

The front door slams.

"What was that?" Gwen whispers.

"I think someone is in our room." Dakota whispers.

"Sh. Let's see." Gwen says while she opens the door 1 inch.

Gwen and Dakota both look.

It's Noah and Lindsay.

Noah hugs Lindsay.

"What the fuck are they doing?" Dakota whispers.

"Shut the fuck up." Gwen says covering Dakotas mouth.

"If there's a prize for rotten judgement, I guess I already won that." Lindsay sings.

Noah sightly blushes.

"No man is worth my singing solo voice. You're ancient history with Dakota." Lindsay sings.

The bed and dressers come to life.

"Who ya think you're kidding? This is a duet!" The bed sings.

"Try to keep it hidden! This duet is going to be sung right through you!" The dresser sings.

"Oooh nooo!" Lindsay sings.

"We know how you feel but this is our song tooooo" The dresser and bed sing.

"Oooooh! No chance! No way! This was my solo!" Lindsay sings.

"You wish, you bitch, why deny it uh-oh!" The bed and dresser sing.

"It's sounds so bad! Did I mention i'm in love?" Lindsay sings.

The bed and dresser turn back to normal.

"Wait you're in love? With who?" Noah asks.

Gwen and Dakota open the door and barge in the conversasion.

"I can see what's happening!" Gwen sings.

"What?" Dakota asks.

"And Noah has no clue!" Gwen sings.

"That nigger." Dakota facepalms.

"They'll fall in love and heres the bottom line." Gwen sings.

"What?" Dakota asks.

"IT'S RAINING MEN!" Gwen slaps Noahs ass.

"HALLELUJAH!" Dakota sings.

"IT'S RAINING MEN!" Gwen sings.

"AHMEN!" Dakota sings.

"I'm not in love with Noah. You people are so fucking dumb." Lindsay facepalms.

Someone knocks on the door.

Lindsay opens the door.

"I bought you these flowers." George Washington says.

"Aww." Lindsay sighs.

"Now that's just sad.." Noah nods.

The ship hits an iceburg.

The ship shakes.

"What the fuck was that?" Dakota asks.

"I think we must have hit something!" Gwen figures.

Cody and Zoey come running into the room with their towls on.

"WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Zoey screams.

"We never said you did." Noah says.

Cody blushes.

"Everyone is here, except Armando." Lindsay wonders.

"Where is he?" Zoey asks.

"He said he was going to find a strip bar." Noah shrugs.

"A strip bar on the Titanic?" Lindsay asks.

"He's stupid as fuck he probally thinks this ship can fly or something." Dakota says as she rolls her eyes.

George Washingtons' cell phone rings.

"Yo Lincon my nigger waz up!" Goerge Washington says.

"Awkward." Zoey says.

"No shit." Cody frowns.

"Oh shit guys! The Titanic hit an iceburg! Were all going to die if we don't get out of here!" George Washington panics.

"Why?" Lindsay asks.

"The ship will sink in about an hour." George Washington sighs.

"Son of a fuck!" Cody pouts.

"If were all going to die then I have to do something." Noah says walking up to Dakota.

Noah holds Dakotas hand.

"Dakota..I have to tell you something." Noah says softly.

Dakota smiles.

"Yes?" Daktoa asks.

Everyone is silent.

Music plays.

"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!" Noah sings.

"YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY!" Noah sings.

Big booty Judy walks in and starts shaking her ass.

"Those are some nice asses." Cody says.

"What?" Zoey asks.

Cody pushes Zoey and runs up to Noah.

Noah and Cody both dance and sing.

"I really wasn't expecting this.." Dakota says weirdly.

"You know what. We are going to die! I'm going to say the truth!" Cody announces.

"Oh yay more announcements. What's next? You like big boobs and you cannot lie?" Dakota says sarcasticlly.

"Jealous whore." Zoey says to Dakota.

Dakota rolls her eyes.

"Noah I love you!" Cody says outloud.

"WHAT!" Zoey says in a shock.

"I love you too." Noah says kissing Cody.

"Well...HA HA HA! OH GOD THIS IS FUNNY! OH HA HA HA!" Lindsay says laughing.

Lindsay sits down on the couch and watches.

George Washington sits next to Lindsay and eats popcorn.

"Cody I thought you loved me?" Zoey asks.

"Bitch please I love Noah." Cody says.

"WAAAAAA!" Zoey cries.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I LOVED YOU!" Zoey cries.

"This is sad." Dakota facepalms.

Noah punches Zoey.

"He's mine! I love him!" Noah says grabbing Cody.

"Fuck this." Dakota says.

Dakota sits next to Lindsay and eats some popcorn.

Jerry Springer barges in.

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" George,Lindsay, and Dakota shout.

"So, Noah and Cody are in love.' Jerry says.

"Don't remind us." Dakota rolls her eyes.

"CODY SAID HE LOVED ME! WAAA!" Zoey cries.

"Calm the fuck down. I love Noah." Cody says backing away.

Noah and Cody start to make out.

Zoey punches the floor as she cries.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I MIGHT BE PREGNANT!" Zoeys creams.

Cody pushes Noah off him.

"WHAT!" Cody says in shock.

"Well..this isn't really my station. It's time for the Maury show!" Jerry introduces.

Maury walks in.

"Lets see if Zoey is pregnant." Maury says.

Maury punches Zoey in the stumach.

Zoey coughs up blood.

"Cody... You are NOT a father!" Maury announces.

Cody and Noah cheer.

Cody and Noah both kiss.

"Watching this makes me feel like less of a whore." Kirsten Stewart says walking by.

"Romantic and creepy and all but you do realize the Titanic is going to sink in less than an hour." George Washington says.

"If Cody dies i'll die with him." Noah says holding hands with Cody.

"Ha! Gaaaaaay!" Lindsay teases.

Armando runs in the room.

"I found an escape boat! Follow me! But first we need to get in character." Armando says.

"Huh?" Lindsay aks.

"There are guards blocking the secret escape boat." Armando informs.

Armando throws everyone a spy agent uniform.

Everyone wears the spy agent uniform.

"Lets do this. We have to be completey silent." Armando says quietly.

Everyone nods and agrees.

Armando grabs his pod and plays mission impossible theme.

"DUN NANANA NANANA DUN DUN!" Armando sings along.

"You told us to be completely silent.." Lindsay says confused.

"SHH! This is the best part! DUNT NA NA!" Armando sings.

"Oh god this is pathetic." George Washington face palms.

George Washington walks up to the guards.

"NO! YOU'LL GET EATEN ALIVE!" Armando begs.

"You do realize he is the captain of the ship right?" Dakota says.

"Well I totally forgot about that! Thanks for making me feel stupid." Armando sighs.

"Yo wheres the secret escape boat?" George Washington asks a guard.

"Up the stairs." a gaurd directs him.

The guards move out of his way for him to walk on the stairs.

Everyone walks on the stairs to the secret escape boat.

"There it is...the golden escape boat!" George Washington says happily.

"What about the other people on the ship?" Dakota asks.

"Fuck them." George Washington implies.

George Washington helps Lindsay on the boat.

Lindsay blushes.

An UFO flies by.

"Holy shit what's that?" Lindsay asks.

"Protect me Noa- I mean, erm. I'm my own person! Hmpt!" Dakota says.

Noah and Cody hug in fear.

George Washington protects Lindsay.

Armando runs in circles.

Dakota ducks.

Zoey covers her eyes.

Gwen swings by on a vine.

Gwen yells like Tarzan.

"What did I miss?" Gwen asks.

Everyone points in fear at the UFO.

"Oh shit." Gwen says hiding in the boat.

The UFO lands.

Steam comes out.

"Surprise mother fuckers." Darth Vader saays holding up his light saber.

"Are you my father?" Armando asks.

"Fuck no i'm not that horny to create you." Darth Vader says holding his light saber.

Armando sighs.

"Who are you?" Dakota asks.

"Who the fuck do you think I am?" Darth Vader responds.

"Obama?" Cody guesses.

"Jesus?" Noah guesses.

" Charlie Sheen?" George Washington guesses.

"Britney Spears?" Lindsay guesses.

"Johnny Depp?" Dakota asks.

" The tooth fairy?" Armando asks.

"Are you... ?" Gwen asks.

"All wrong." Darth Vader says.

"I am.." Darth Vader says unmasking himself.

"Walt Disney." Walt Disney says.

"OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU!" Dakota screams.

"That isolated quicky." Zoey says.

Walt shrugs.

"Will you marry me?" Dakota proposes.

"She's kidding right?" Noah asks.

"I don't even know who the fuck you are...sure why not!" Walt agrees.

"EEEEEP!" Dakota squeals.

"I'm glad the Titanic is full of love but right now it's going to be full of water and were going to die! So lets get on the boat!" George Washington rushes.

"You guys aren't going anywhere." Walt says holding up a light saber.

"Hey what's the big idea?" Dakota asks.

"I'm going to kill you guys for singing Disney songs and you didn't get my promission to!" Walt agrues.

"Credit goes to Walt Disney for the songs we sang. There are you happy now?" Lindsay asks.

"Yes. Carry on." Walt says putting down his light saber.

"Lets get on the boat!" George Washington commands.

"Fuck that! You guys have fun i'm going on Walts UFO!" Dakota says.

"Ditching whore!" Zoey yells.

Walt and Dakota go on the UFO and flies away.

Everyone else except Gwen goes on the boat.

George Washington rows the boat away from the Titanic.

"Yankee doodle went to town riding on a pony, stuck a feather in his hat and called it macironi!" George Washington sings.

"Yankee doodle keep it up! Yankee doodle dandee!" Lindsay sings.

"Yankee doodle keep it up! And let the girls be handy!" Noah sings.

"Uh. What do you mean by handy?" Cody asks.

Noah shrugs and winks.

"Guys look over there!" Zoey spots.

Lilo and Stich are surfing on a wave.

Zoey jumps Lilo and kicks Stich off.

Zoey starts to surf.

"HELL YEAH!" Zoey says surfing.

"Zoey you can't surf for shit get off." Noah says.

"YES I CAN!" Zoey yells.

Zoey surfs.

Zoey slips and falls down into the water.

Zoey doggy paddles.

"HELP!" Zoey screams.

George Washington saves Zoey and puts her back into the boat.

"Fucking dumbass." Cody says.

Zoey slaps Cody.

"Don't slap my boyfriend!" Noah says slapping Zoey.

Zoey punches Noah in the eye.

Cody slaps Zoey.

George Washington rolls his eyes

Lindsay paints her nails.

Armando stares doing nothing.

"Were almost there to a different land!" George Washington announces.

"There's nothing there but apes.." Armando points out.

George Washington pushes Armando off the boat.

"I don't give a fuck." George Washington says.

"That was rude.." Lindsay sighs.

"Fuck logic. I'm George to the god damn Washington." George Washington says.

Jaws music plays.

"Is that a shark?" Zoey asks.

"Woah! I think so!" Cody says.

Noah looks down to see.

"I don't see shit." Noah face palms.

"No wrong side." Zoey face palms.

"SHAAAAAAAAAARK!" Lindsy screams.

The shark hides under the boat.

"Were so fucking dead." Noah sighs.

The shark flips over the boat.

"Surprise mother fucker." Gwen says taking off her shark hat.

"GOD DAMN IT GWEN! YOU'RE GOING TO MURDER US ALL!" Noah yells.

"How is that?" Gwen asks.

"Hmm..because the ocean is only like...-10 degrees and it's a cold night and not to mention how the Titanic already sank." Zoey states.

"Oh. Then I guess I did good!" Gwen says happy.

The UFO flies by.

"Hop on!" Dakota says pulling down a rope.

Everyone climbs the rope.

"Thanks you saved us!" Lindsay cheers.

"Damn right I did." Dakota says.

"Oh sure leave me no credit whatso ever." Walt complains.

"And Walt.." Dakota says.

"Where are we going?" Zoey asks.

"Were going to fight the galaxy." Walt says putting on his Darth Vader mask.

"Join us." Dakota says giving everyone a lightsaber.

"Lets do this!" Noah says.

Everyone cheers.

The UFO flies to the glaxay.

"Thats all folks!" Gwen says waving goodbye.

The end.


End file.
